Lonely & Surrounded by Many
An unfortunate death occurred this past week by a girl who had committed suicide. While talking to my friend who had known her for somewhat number of years, she said to me, “I can’t believe she did this! She was so pretty and she had money, why would she do this to herself?” I thought about that question for a while. I thought about my own life too. What would make someone who has what everybody dreams of: looks, money, a good looking spouse - want to end their life? Most people without a chemical imbalance would think up the logical reasons, but they couldn’t with this girl. This girl was beautiful, from what I’m told, inside and out. But, what about looking beyond the outer shell of her life? What about looking deep inside; deep inside of her heart as well as mind?First “logical” reasoning is: “She’s beautiful.” Maybe it’s possible she looked into the mirror and saw a completely different person than what most people had seen. Many women and some men have an image distortion. It’s the same concept as anorexia: a skinny person looking into the mirror and seeing an obese person staring right back at them. There are beautiful models that look in the mirror and find an ugly person looking right back at them. I’m sure we’ve all looked in the mirror (especially myself) and thought, “Oh nooooo way am I putting those shorts on!” Or, you just feel less than par one day. That’s normal. But when it happens on a daily basis, where you find yourself flirting with the ideas of distorted opinions of yourself, then it’s time to really try to get a grip on it. But then again, how do you know if it’s distorted or not? Your mind can plays tricks on you.
Money. “She has so much money, why would she do this?” If you think about it, money has never made anyone happier. In fact, it’s been the split of many families. Money will have you developing friends left and right, to only help you spend it. You can be surrounded by millions of people who claim they love you, however the reality of it is: you may be the loneliest person on earth. Look what happened to Michael Jackson. He had so many people surrounding him, and when a friend had asked him, “Are you lonely, Michael?” He moved up, waited a moment to get his thoughts together and responded: “I’m a very lonely man.”
Some of the best times of my life were spent in a tiny apartment with my partner, giving the place a fresh coat of paint and hearing the broken pipes squeal with pain. Our fuses always blew, the hot water ended at 8am, so on the weekends, we’d rush to take our showers before everyone in the building did, because our slumlord only provided one hot water heater for a five family house. Looking back on it though, the good outweighed the bad and there are so many wonderful memories in that little dumpy place. I was at my happiest then. Although I’ve moved up a tad in the world and have things I’ve always wanted, I still get depressive episodes because that’s just my make up. I had told my wife, “Even if we get a nice condo, nice cars, and a comfortable spot in the world, I’m still going to have depressive episodes from time to time.” She understood me all too well. Money will never make me “happy”. My faith in God, love, family, friends - that’s all I need and all I’ll ever want out of life. If I happen to stumble upon winning the lottery---great. If not, probably even better. Home isn’t a huge house or a condo with nice things in it - home is where your heart is - home is where my wife is.
Labels: committing suicide, Debra Pasquella, depression, happiness, Michael Jackson, self-image
posted by Deb at Saturday, June 27, 2009
beauty, money, "material things" can never fill the soul with comfort.. and for some people that pain is more than they can handle... imagine the most perfect of living situations.... now imagine that coupled with never being loved for who you are
Self perception can torture one.
Robert Burns, the Scottish poet wrote as the final verse of his
" O would some Power the gift to give us
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion:
What airs in dress and gait would leave us,
And even devotion!"
No matter how many assets we have, either in health, beauty or wealth, it is the inner vision of one's self that rules us.
Phil.
You can never tell what is going on in someone's mind. Suicide seems such a tragic end since we place so much value on life.
Materialism is something that is hard to define because for different people it has different meaning and we shouldn't rush to judge others because of their possessions.
There's a couple of ways of looking at it. If one person judges another person that's has a lot of possessions as materialistic, that person might think the non materialistic person is cheap (or maybe a conscientious spender).
In my case, I think of myself as non-materialistic. Others might think I'm thrifty. It doesn't really matter what others do or think, we've got to live our lives the way that makes us happy.
Kevin
Having experienced the suicide of my husband, and having been in a place (more than once) where death seemed like the only reasonable option for ending the pain, I understand this all too well.
I think back to a bit of wisdom that was shared with me after my husband's death - there is no logical explanation for an illogical act.
I like what Phil wrote about self perception.
A friend of mine lost her son to suicide. No warning. No note. No indication of depression. No sudden changes in his life. She walked down one morning into the basement and found he had hanged himself. She has never gotten over it. Her family keeps trying to blame someone, but there is no one. His relationship with his girlfriend was solid. He was doing well in college. The evening before his death, he had been out with friends--no indication of unhappiness.
It's just so hard to know. Some suicides I think are impulses that go wrong--people feel like escaping the pain, but when death approaches, they want it to stop. And sometimes they go too far and it is too late.
I know a lot of people judge suicides as selfish and cowardly. I don't see it that way. They are wounded psychically. But it is hard to see how it affects family members who only want the best for that person and have no clue that he/she is suffering so much.
I have a good window into this unfortunately, but what I think is likely very different from the girl who took her life.
One thing I do know, is that people generally do not see the pains others go through. While I understand that some people are easier to read with depression being prevelant, others are a hard shell and don't let anyone in for fear of being hurt even more.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, and hope her family & friends can recover from her death.
This was so true, and so sweet at the same time. A person must have 'inner peace' and happiness. Good health is key because you can't do anything without that. So true.
Maddie must have loved reading what you said. What a sweetie!
Go on and on. I have always loved your words, my friend. :-))) Love to you- Lisa
The dispair a person feels when choosing to end their lives is heartbreaking if we could understand it. But we can't.
Feeling lonely in the company of others is something most of us can relate to and some of us can even relate to wanting to find a way to end the pain. Life is not always easy, love relationships are a lot of work (although worth it), true friends are rare, money is not happiness...Finding peace within, enjoying our own company in our empty moments is the only way to be "whole".
Now, if you won the lottery, I would be your friend forever.
That's a great piece of poetry quoted by PhilipH.
This just goes to show how little we know about the people around us except maybe a few who are close to us. Some people are just more likely to keep their shit locked up than others.
I only know of one suicide that can be answered why. LLoyd used to live behind me, he and his wife were married for more than fifty rocking and rolling years...they had done quite a lot of things and all of it together. She got cancer and LLoyd did everything he could to support and make her comfortable and happy for the last four years of her life...6 months after she died he killed himself. We all knew why in that case.
But of the others 6 that happened that same year I get hints in my heart to some of them, a couple seem to have been accidental OD's, including a loved nephew, 1 seems to have been because he was terminally ill and another because he did not want to face his life after he lost his house and savings to drugs. That one was hardest because he left a wife and 15 year old daughter to deal with his mess (they started the knowledge of losing the house by finding his body with the multiple foreclosure notices), another it seemed that the guy went manic, won millions in an accident settlement that killed three of his five kids and wife then he spent a year homeless (he had money) and wandering the metro area then he just couldn't find a reason anymore to live.
But in all of them that I went to funerals for there never was any consolation available to them who are left behind, especially my Nephew, his mother grieves every day.
many times, there are no concrete warnings that someone is contemplating it and them that are serious in their thinking never would admit it because they usually understand that some sort of intervention would be forthcoming.
So in all of this the only thing I can ever say to people is be well and be kind to each other today.
Who knows how far a word or thought of kindness can carry one who is hurting and for God's sake it shouldn't matter how far; just that it is given makes the world and recipient of the kindness a better place and person.
You can have everything while having nothing at all.
Some of us don't realize it until it is too late to do anything about it.
Sad.
If the soul is wounded none of the superficial positives of life will fill the void, and loneliness is a huge killer. Poignant, Ms. Deb.